Old Age
Old Age Is Not For Cowards
But Corvettes are…
I put my car keys in the refrigerator today. I hear that’s a bad sign.
Everyone says it’s hell getting old, and I guess there’s some truth in that, but I’m here to tell you there can be a few perks too.
If you have the nerve to take advantage of them.
Take waiting in line for example. We are taught from the day we start to toddle that it’s rude to cut in line. But once your jowls start to sag, and you perfect a fake limp and dragging foot, people wave you right up to the front. Saves a lot of time. Just don’t skip across the parking lot in your glee.
Old age means you no longer need to hurry, even when everybody is waiting for you to hurry. I love watching the eye rolls as I slowly shuffle across the parking lot at Walgreens, but of course they don’t run over me because I’m old. The fake limp helps there too. Then when you stop walking in the middle of the traffic lane and start rummaging around in your shopping bag — priceless. Sometimes I’ll stand in the lane behind some random big Lincoln and drop my keys a few times to piss them off more.
I just need to remember not to climb into the Corvette until they drive away.
